Political science professor Monti Datta is an expert in the gentle art of encouraging people with strong differences to engage in meaningful conversation. He does it during class discussions and in his research on human trafficking. Here are his tips for succeeding in these conversations yourself.
1. Lead with curiosity
Enter conversations with genuine curiosity about the other person’s perspective. Engage from a space of love and compassion—not from a space of condescension or arrogance or fear, but of curiosity. This open mindset is far more likely to lead to meaningful exchange.
2. Approach with empathy
Recognize the inherent dignity in every person, regardless of their views. Everyone has a story and deserves to be treated with basic human respect. You can be angry with somebody; you can even not respect somebody; but what you shouldn’t do is think of them as beneath you.
3. Listen mindfully and with kindness
Give the other person your full, nonjudgmental attention. Absorb not just their words, but their emotions and experiences. Pay attention with intentional kindness. This deep, empathetic listening allows you to witness their full perspective beyond just intellectual ideas.
4. Look for shared humanity
While differences may seem stark on the surface, recognize the common human experiences that unite us all. Finding those universal threads can create bonds across divides.
5. Embrace discomfort and vulnerability
Seeking out different perspectives expands our understanding. It may feel uncomfortable, but that discomfort often signals growth. Additionally, don’t be afraid to show vulnerability. Acknowledging your own uncertainties or mistakes can create openings for others to do the same.
6. Pause for self-reflection
Before responding in heated moments, take time to pause and reflect. You need that space of reflection between stimulus and response, whether it is a breath or letting go or counting to 10. This pause allows you to respond thoughtfully, reducing the chance of escalating tensions.
7. Examine your own assumptions
Be willing to critically examine your own beliefs and biases. Ask yourself why you hold certain views and where they come from. This self-examination can help dismantle assumptions that may cloud your ability to understand others. It also models the kind of reflection you hope to see from those with whom you’re engaging.